


I See You Watching

by Elektra214xx (orphan_account)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, My First Fanfic, POV Arthur, Pining, Shy Merlin, not for long though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-22 01:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8267807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Elektra214xx
Summary: Seven times Arthur notices the lanky, but beautiful new apprentice in the castle.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In this first chapter, Arthur is 18 and Merlin is 14. They will get older as the story progresses of course. Enjoy!

 

**First Time**

 

 Arthur let out a loud yawn as he stretched his sinewy muscular form in his rumpled sheets. The bright rays of the sun were pouring in from his opened window and the air was filled with the lush scent of budding flowers. It was early spring and a cheerful period in Camelot. Of course for Arthur, that also meant never ending council meetings with his father and other stiff board council members. He wasn’t looking forward to them one bit.

He turned over to the side of his bed and saw the rigid frame of his even more rigid manservant George, standing with his armour gear held up in each hand and a wide, almost plastic smile on his face. ‘ _Can this guy get anymore creepier?_ ’  

     “Sire, it would please you to know that I have your royal armour, polished and ready for your daily training with the knights and your royal boots freshly washed and aired. I have prepared your royal bath with steaming water and set aside you royal robes for the feast tonight. I also…”

  “Right…right…” Arthur waved off his further attempts for more _royal tasks achieved_ details and scrambled out of bed. He stretched, noting with a frown that the effects from his training with the Knights from the day before had his body aching all over. He rolled his left shoulder, mouth twisting up in a painful groan. Gwaine had not gone easy on him after all, he thought.

He was still busy with his shoulder and didn’t notice _creepy_ George walking up behind him. At the sudden sound of “Sire I have your breakfast ready!” Arthur let out a not-so- knightly gasp and turned around to see his manservant giving him a surprised look, howbeit with the same plastic smile and Arthur coughed to hide his previous outburst. “Right. Thank you. That will be all George.”

His manservant gave a bow so low, Arthur swore his hair brushed his knees and marched out of his chambers, head held up high.

_‘I will never understand that one_ ’ Arthur thought with a sigh, shaking his head. He proceeded to remove his night clothes and enter the tub. Soaking in with a sigh. _‘I wonder what today has in store for me?’_

_AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM_

_‘Apparently nothing exciting.’_ Arthur thought with disappointment. He had trained with his Knights and while that was always something he looked forward to everyday, he had a less than great time struggling to out spar everyone while cradling an aching shoulder. After the third time he dropped his sword, Gwaine had made a joke about soft princesses and Arthur had proceeded to thrash his fellow Knight and friend into the Spring-enrichened soil. Hurt shoulder or not, no one gets away with taunting the Prince of Camelot. After that, he joined his father in the council room where he barely kept his eyes open throughout the endless speeches and debates. Needless to say, his father all but kicked him out of the room. Not that Arthur would’ve complained of course. Camelot was prospering to the envy of neighbouring Kingdoms and these days he found the council meetings his father insisted on having as nothing more than a gathering for old men to let off some steam.

“You have to show more seriousness in these meetings Arthur. . . “His father had admonished him when the meeting was finally over and he was caught snoring lightly.

“How else would you prove to the people that you’re fit enough to lead them when you become king!” Uther wasn’t pleased.

Arthur rolled his eyes and walked out of the hall. _‘Right, if they didn’t bore him to death with these meetings before he actually became king’._

He was currently walking towards the stables when he noticed a young man, no a boy, tottering towards him carrying a bucket of water. The bucket seemed to be too heavy for his slight frame and he was visibly struggling to bear the weight and not spill its contents. Arthur watched as the boy, so concentrated on his task, manoeuvred through the crowd and made his way up towards him. When he was right up to him, the boy warned in a voice quite deep for his physique, “Coming through Sir! Out of the way if you don’t want to get soaked!” He glanced up at Arthur and nearly tripped over his own feet, water splashing about and soaking Arthur’s breeches and boots.

“M-M-My Lord... I-I’m so so-so-sorry. I-I didn’t see…”

“HAVE YOU GOT MORNING BLINDNESS OR SOMETHING?!” Arthur questioned furiously “Why don’t you watch where you’re going? Now I’ll have to change into something else!”

Arthur brought out his hanky and wiped himself, fuming visibly as he watched the panicked reaction of the boy fussing about trying to clean his boots between bouts of “ _I’m sorry”_ and _“didn’t see”._ Arthur sighed and tried to calm himself. He waved off the boy’s attempts and studied the spluttering boy, who seemed to be fighting back tears.

The boy looked down at his feet and muttered another apology and Arthur felt for the poor lad. “Hey, don’t worry about it. There’s no need to be sad, it was a mistake” The boy wiped his face and looked up. Arthur found himself staring into the most captivating eyes he’d ever seen.  It was a vibrant blue, beautiful and endless like the faraway ocean and he was sinking in ever deeply, not wanting to tear his eyes away from their enchanting hold. The boy was looking at him with similar intensity, mouth gaped open and taking short breaths. Arthur noticed how luscious and full those lips were and how lovely they looked slightly wet and panting. He blinked and took a step back, clearing his throat. “Where were you taking that bucket to?”

 The boy whimpered a response, “To G-G-Gaius my L-Lord” He looked down at his feet. “I’m t-t-to be his n-new apprentice”

 Arthur raised an eyebrow, “Hmm, that’s quite an impressive feat.”

“Studying medicine m-my Lord?” the boy asked shyly.

“No…” Arthur clarified with a smirk “…dealing with Gaius”

The boy looked up at that and giggled a little, a red flush staining his very prominent cheekbones.

Arthur smiled at him “Well you shouldn’t keep the old man waiting, best be on your way”

The boy nodded a ‘ _Yes, my Lord’_ and picked up the bucket again. This time with considerable ease and walked quickly towards his destination.

Arthur paused a moment before turning around. He studied the gangling body of Gaius’ new apprentice. He couldn’t be more than 15, maybe even 14.  But there was a vibe about him that made him look older, more dependable, like he really could hold his own in the midst of whatever trouble he might face.

_‘Interesting lad’_ Arthur thought. Turning around and heading back up towards the castle.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur meets the boy with the stunning blue eyes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot more dialogue in this chapter and a brief Gwen POV near the end.

 

 

**Second Time**

 

“You are such a liar, Gwaine!” Percival exclaimed, roaring with laughter.

“I swear…” insisted Gwaine, feigning a hurt look. “First I saw the titties, which were the biggest tities I’d ever seen by the way and then I saw its cock! Monstrous and green and filled with veins like spider webs!”

“Yuck!” Elyan screwed his face up like he’d been given stale milk. He turned away from Gwaine, trying not to spill his stomach’s contents and left the room. Lancelot shook his head in amusement and went back to polishing his sword while Leon looked for all the world, like he’d just been told Pigs could fly.

“You saw no such thing Gwaine” said Arthur in a mocking tone, as he removed his chain mail. He took off his gloves and threw them at the wayward knight. “Now quit bothering my men.”

Gwaine lifted his arms, shielding his face from the attack, “Don’t be like that Princess, why would I lie about that?”

Arthur rolled his eyes “You want me to believe that you actually met a girl with the hooves of a Horse and Antler horns, having breasts so big, you could rest on them like pillows and this –said- girl chased you into the forest wielding a monster green cock?”

Gwaine smiled sweetly at him, “Well…yeah”

Arthur blinked, shaking his head. He walked towards Gwaine until he was at his side and tapped a hand on his shoulder “You know Gwaine, you really should stay away from those taverns from now on. All that ale’s messing with your head, not good for you” He gave him a sympathetic look and poked Gwaine’s temple with a finger.

“Yeah Gwaine, what would the women and girls of Camelot do if their favourite _man-slut_ goes all loopy in the head?” Percival laughed even harder.

“Young men too!” Gwaine gestured back at Percival with a smirk “You forgot about the young men”

“You’re really something else Gwaine.” Leon smiled fondly.

Arthur smiled too. They were in the armoury after just completing their training for the day. It was the middle of summer and the heat was already so unbearable. He didn’t mind though. He’d recently celebrated his 19th birthday and in Camelot, that was a huge deal. He now answered to _Crown prince_ of Camelot and the day to day running of the Kingdom had been placed under his care. He was also the head of all the military forces under the King’s command and had a higher say in all the governing decisions made by the royal court. It was all very impressive indeed except of course, where his father was concerned. Uther Pendragon was a difficult man to please and with every achievement Arthur acquired to earn his father’s respect, the king only seemed to set the bar even higher.

_“A wise king never gets too comfortable Arthur…” His father had told me once at dinner, the night he led his first battle and triumphantly won. "… He must always seek new ways to top his past conquests and prove his worth to the people and to himself.”_

Wise words though they had been, however Arthur didn’t think a simple _‘Well done, son’_ or _‘Congratulations, my boy’_ would have made him too comfortable or lazy. On the contrary, he felt nothing was more encouraging than a show of appreciation from the man he admired most in his life. Arthur sighed. _‘It’ll probably never happen though’_

 

“Hey Lance! There’s someone outside looking for you” Leon called out.

Arthur looked up at the voice only to see Sir Lancelot drop the sword he’d been cleaning and walk briskly out of the armoury. He gave an inquiring glance at Percival, who shrugged at him in return. Arthur walked out, his curiosity getting the best of him. He didn’t have to walk far before he spotted Lance talking to a pretty young woman with caramel skin tone. She was smiling up at him while handing him a set of clothes, newly laundered from the way they were neatly folded and Lance was smiling back. Arthur grinned, it was no secret that his friend had been _goo-goo eyed_ over a young maiden for a while now. He never shut up about her but refused to describe her appearance or say her name. He sniggered quietly. No surprise there, as the girl who the soft spoken knight was now kissing was none other than Guinevere, Gwen for short. She was Morgana’s personal maidservant and also Elyan’s little sister.

“Well who would’ve thought?!”

Arthur turned around to see Gwaine stepping out of the armoury. He came up to stand beside Arthur and whistled rather loudly. “…Lance boy sure is one hell of a kisser!” he laughed.

The two lovebirds must have heard him because in that moment, they tore apart, a shocked look on their faces, only just noticing that they had an audience and the two started walking over to them.

Arthur face-palms “Is it too much to ask that you don’t act like a raving teenager, Gwaine?” He shot him a disapproving look.

“What? Only making an observation” Gwaine snorted. Arthur rolled his eyes.

When Lance and Gwen arrived, Lance was giving them a sheepish look and Gwen was staring at the ground, her blushing cheeks evident. She curtsied slightly “My prince.”

Arthur gave her an acknowledged nod but then raised an inquisitive eyebrow, observing the couple and then glancing around. “Judging from the secrecy of this, I’m guessing neither of you has told Elyan about this?”

A guilty look passed Lancelot’s face and Gwen blushed even harder. She sighed “Well, we were waiting for the end of summer to do so and of course…”

“…And of course, I’ll be asking for Gwen’s hand in marriage.” Lance finished for her.

Arthur and Gwaine were startled. Their jaw dropping, “MARRIAGE?!” A visible twitch appeared in Gwaine’s left eye.

Lancelot straightened as though to defend their decision “Yes, marriage. It is the honourable thing to do and Gwen deserves to be courted with proper respect for her virtue and…” His face was flushed and he was getting flustered.

“Lance, Lance! Hey it’s alright. I’m sure you’re doing the right thing here and we won’t say anything to Elyan if you don’t want us to, okay?” Arthur reassured him.

Lance breathed a sigh of relief and smiled faintly.

Just then Gwen spotted someone across the clearing walking rather awkwardly but quickly. It was a boy. She lifted her hands, waving at him and called out, “Merlin! Merlin! Over here… I’m right here!”

Hearing his name being called out, the boy turned and narrowed in his eyes until he saw Gwen standing near the armoury, waving desperately at him. He smiled in recognition and quickly made his way to where she was standing.

Arthur didn’t pay any mind to the person Gwen was yelling at and instead was giving worried looks to Gwaine who hadn’t yet recovered from the news of Lancelot’s upcoming _abandonment_ of the _bachelorhood clan_ , but when he saw the boy who was now smiling sweetly at Gwen, he did a double-take.

“Gwen, I was just heading to yours, fancy seeing you here. Were you cleaning the armoury?”

Gwen laughed, “No Merlin, you know I only attend to the Lady Morgana now. Do you have them?”

“Oh yeah I do” He lifted a small bag up “Gaius says he should take the tonic once in the morning and once at night. The salve can be used to massage the injured area any time of the day though” He passed the bag to her.

Gwen collected it, gratitude in her eyes. “Thank You Merlin. You’re so kind for delivering this. I’ll make sure my Father uses them accordingly”

Merlin blushed at the compliment and gave her a heart-warming smile. It soon faded from his lips though when he glanced behind Gwen and caught a pair of sky blue eyes looking intently at him. “M-M-My Lord” He looked down quickly and gave a little whimper. “I’m s-s-s-ssorry…I d-d-ddidn’t know you w-were h-here. I’ll j-j just leave q-quickly!” he turned to leave in a frenzied state when Arthur reached and caught his elbow.

“No! Wait, don’t go yet.” He gently side stepped Gwen and turned Merlin to face him fully. Merlin looked at him through long, dark eyelashes and muttered something indiscernible. Arthur wasn’t paying attention though, he was still staring at the same luscious, full lips that had captivated him a year ago, that was captivating him at that exact same moment. He’d long wondered what had become of this beautiful boy, Merlin, since he’d first seen him. Gaius always dealt directly with the royal family and with all his recent appointments, he’d been too busy to notice the palace staff. He noticed now though and very thoroughly indeed. Merlin had grown quite considerably but was still as gangly as ever. His silky dark locks had also grown longer, framing his face and cradling down to his neck. He was even more gorgeous than the last time Arthur had seen him and he could tell there were more stunning changes to come. He shook himself inwardly.

“So your name is Merlin? A rather odd name. Where you born in Camelot?” Arthur hadn’t let go of Merlin’s elbow and the boy glanced at where his strong hand gripped his bony arm.

“N-No my Lord. I was b-born in Ealdor”

“Hmm” Arthur noticed where he was looking and let go of his arm slowly. “In Essetir? Cenred’s Kingdom” Arthur wished he would look at him so he could stare into the depth of those blue pools once again. But Merlin, it seemed, was determined to keep his face down. “Did you have family back in Ealdor?”

Merlin relaxed a little and Arthur wondered if the boy had travelled back in time, remembering the past. He glanced up a little, “M-My M-Mother”

Arthur smiled in understanding “Oh, I see” He was about to ask something else when he felt someone hit him from behind, almost pushing him away and he saw an all too familiar arm draping over his shoulder.

“Oh my, and who do we have here?!” Gwaine asked, a sly grin on his face. “C’mon Princess, don’t keep him to yourself, out with it!”

Arthur gritted his teeth and tried to fight the urge to condemn Gwaine to the Pyre, “How many times do I have to tell you never to call me that Gwaine, it’s treasonous. Are you craving a lodging in the dungeons perhaps?”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. We both know you can’t. Who then would be your finest knight and the best swordsman in Camelot?” He grinned.

“You? The finest Knight and swordsman in Camelot?” Arthur laughed, mocking him. “Don’t make me laugh Gwaine.” He tossed Gwaine’s arm off his shoulder. “Where did they give you that title? _The tavern_?”

Gwaine didn’t look the least bit offended. “Young wenches will say anything these days once you unsheathe your _sword_ for them.” He gave Arthur a meaningful look.

“You are just appalling, you know that?” He shook his head in disgust. He noticed Merlin trying but failing, to stifle a laugh and his heart quickened at the beautiful sight of it.

“Found that funny, didn’t you little Dove? Never a dull moment with Gwaine.” The bubbly knight tried getting closer to the adorable boy, but Arthur stopped him with a hand on his chest. “I see you’re still wearing your chain mail, Sir Ga-waine” Giving him a hard look that interpreted _‘Not this one, you loose cannon, back off!’_ “You should head back and change. ”

Gwaine pleaded with puppy eyes but at the steel glare that Arthur gave him, he resigned and turned “Fine Princess, anything for you”

Arthur turned back to Merlin and was disappointed to find the boy looking at his feet again. “So where were we?” He pretended to think for a bit, tapping a finger against his chin “Ah yes, your mother in Ealdor. Tell me Merlin, if your only family lives in Essetir, why did you come all the way to Camelot? Surely you could have studied medicine and healing in any of the other places closer to home.” He walked closer to him “Where you running away from something?”

Merlin panicked and looked up. His mouth opened and closed again as if he was debating how to answer.

Arthur felt guilty seeing the distressed signs the boy was showing and became worried he might have said something wrong. He wanted to draw him close and wrap his strong arms around him and comfort him. To breathe the scent of his raven hair and stoke those lovely cheekbones with his fingers. Merlin looked so young and so fragile and all of Arthur’s instincts screamed at him to protect him. _‘Wait, What?_ _Comfort him? Protect him? Why am I having these thoughts about someone I barely know?’ A boy for that matter._ Arthur didn’t see anything wrong with same sex relationships. It was a common sight in Camelot. Hell, Gwaine was bi-sexual and the knight was pretty loud about it. It was just that Arthur had never once considered he played for the home team because before Merlin, he’d never had these _feelings_ for another man. It was all very puzzling but Arthur didn’t want it to stop.

He was reaching for Merlin when Gwen stepped in front of him and took Merlin’s hands in hers. “Come now Merlin, I’m sure Gaius must be giving off a tantrum waiting for you. You know how he gets and there’s something I’m dying to show you” she led him away from the baffled, slightly pissed Prince.

 

Gwen knew she had offended the Prince but she couldn’t help notice how nervous Merlin was in his presence. Poor boy was shaking like a leaf on a stormy day. So she intervened and saved him before he became a nervous wreck. She was however amused, if not a bit scared at the very obvious interest Arthur had developed for him and didn’t know what to make of it. She caressed Merlin’s back to suit him _. ‘It’s alright Merl, calm yourself.’_ She didn’t say it out loud though, not wanting to embarrass him.

Arthur watched Merlin being led away by Gwen and bit his bottom lip to keep from calling out to her. It wouldn’t do for anyone to see him taking Merlin from her by force and besides in his current confused state, Arthur thought he needed some time to think, figure exactly what was going on with him. He looked up to see Merlin stealing a glance back at him, although it wasn’t very obvious and Arthur wondered if maybe he felt it too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naughty Gwaine is well, naughty. Merlin speaks fluently with everyone except Arthur and Lancelot is forever noble. The next chapter will have a rather darker tone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur comes to terms with his strange feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is going in a whole different direction from what I wanted (Quick fluff) thanks to my twinny. So depending on how things go, ratings and some other things may change.

  


 

**Third Time**

 

 

It was days like this that Arthur hated the most. A day that called into question everything he stood for and all that he believed in. He felt his heart beating wildly in his chest, the loud _thump thump_ echoing in his ears. Arthur didn’t want to take another step but stopping would alert the knights behind him of the conflict that was raging within him. He swallowed, turning away from his thoughts and continued moving forward. The crowd was already gathered now and their voices were deafening as they egged on or criticised the event that was about to take place. Arthur tuned them out completely.

He was getting closer to it now and the dreadful feeling that always troubled him every time he saw it was rising up within him again. The pyre was terrifying to look at even for those who weren’t condemned to it. The wood and hay that surrounded it were thick and ready to blaze with the smallest hint of fire. Arthur gritted his teeth and stole a glance behind his shoulder. The prisoner was a young man, not much older than Arthur and he was shivering fiercely, mumbling incoherent words with his eyes glued to the unfortunate symbol of his fate.

“Tie…Tie him to the pyre.” Arthur couldn’t look up as he gave the command.

“Yes Sire!” the knights replied and did as they were commanded. Soon the man was tied securely to the wood and the tears he’d been holding back had started to fall liberally. He turned to the prince with a desperate cry.

“M-Me Lord! I know wha’ I did was wrong. I never meant’a kill no one. No… not ever! It was all jus’ a big mistake! Please me Lord!” The man was frantic, crying and struggling to get free.

 

_“Let him go, please show mercy!_

_“Sorcerer! Sorcerer!”_

_“There’s no place for your sort in our kingdom!”_

_“Do away with him!”_

 

The screams of the crowd grew louder and Arthur looked up to see his father taking his place on the raised platform, looking down at the condemned man with utter disgust. The steel set of his eyes darkening even further, unmoved by his pleas. Arthur clenched his hands into a fist and gave the still crying man a sympathetic, helpless look.

“It is not in my power to stop your sentence…” He spoke quietly so only the man could hear him. “…Your crime didn’t deserve...” It was too much. Too much for him to admit it to himself that his father had made a harsh decision and condemned a man who was only desperately trying to save his daughter. The young girl had been gravely ill and her father had resulted to using a magic poultice to cure her. He was however, caught using the poultice and chanting a spell by his neighbours and in a bid to avoid being taken to king, he began a scuffle which resulted in the accidental death of one of the neighbours. It wasn’t until the man had tried to flee with his daughter that he was finally caught and apprehended by the guards and the body of the neighbour retrieved. The king had wasted no time in calling for a trial and sentencing the poor man to death for the crime of sorcery and murder. While Arthur agreed with his father’s stance against magic, he didn’t believe all magic users were evil or sought the destruction of Camelot. This has been the cause of one too many arguments between Morgana, the king and himself that often ended in Morgana refusing to speak to his father for days, and his father taking out his frustration on him. As if on cue, Morgana appeared beside the king whispering angrily at him but Arthur knew from his experience that his father would not listen, and sure enough Uther rebuffed her and gestured for the crowd to quiet down, standing straighter to address them.

“Let this serve as a lesson to all of you. This man has been found guilty for using sorcery and instruments of magic to conspire against the crown and murder. I, Uther Pendragon, a faithful pursuant for all that is just and true, do pride myself as a man of mercy but for the crime of sorcery, there can only be one judgment—death.”

The uproar of the crowd erupted again and Arthur watched as the man’s sobs lowered to uncontrolled hiccups, when he looked into the crowd. Arthur followed the trail of his eyes and stared, dismayed at the sight that had caught the man’s attention. A toddler was crying bitterly, her rose, plump cheeks stained with glistening tears as she reached out her tiny fingers towards the man tied to the pyre. Her brown hair was muddy and there were heat rashes scattered all over her face and body, no doubt from the illness that almost took her life.

“Anna! Anna! Nooo...” The man bellowed as the guards around him lowered their torches to the sticks and hay beneath him.

“PAPA…PAPA!” The girl wailed even louder and fought with the person who held her back from charging into the bickering flames.

The noise was unbearable now and so was the smothering heat from the flames. Arthur turned to leave when he heard the man choke out a sentence amidst his painful grunts to the person clutching his daughter.

“Look after her, p-please Merlin… My little Anna.”

Arthur looked at the crowd again to see the young girl shuddering, face hidden in the rumpled shirts of a tall, gangly boy. _Merlin_. Arthur wondered what he was doing with the condemned man’s daughter. Was he acquainted with them? He must’ve been, judging from the quiet tears that poured down his eyes and the strange sad look clouding his features. Arthur had never seen anything more heart-breaking than the image before him. Merlin was trying desperately to console the crying girl, while wiping at his own eyes with his sleeves. Rooted to the spot, Arthur stared until the smoke became too thick to see anything anymore.

 

Making his way to his chambers that night to calm his raging thoughts, Arthur could hear the raised voices of Morgana and his father echoing through the walls in another epic argument. Not wanting to agitate himself even further, he continued walking without stopping until he reached his chambers and slammed the door shut behind him.

 

 

                                                                                                        AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*AM*

 

 

The next day was cool and bright, a far contrast from the depressing, gloomy day before. Arthur threaded through the courtyard quietly, admiring the very colourful beautiful flowers arranged in different patterns across the green lawn. His father had told him once when he was just a little boy that they were planted by his mother, Ygraine-- A delicate woman with a gentle heart much like the flowers she adored. Arthur always felt at peace whenever he came here, though he couldn’t say why. Perhaps it was the sweet scent and sheer beauty of the many flowers around him, a connection to the mother he never knew. Arthur didn’t know, but he was glad he had a place he could call a haven to get away from it all, the pressures, the expectations and most especially, his guilt.

He reached down to pluck a flower, a pretty Gardenia plant with a mixture of pure white petals and striking green leaves. He inhaled deeply and twirled it between his fingers. The one thought that had lingered in his mind all through the previous day resurfaced again and Arthur tightened his jaw. He could still see the fear and dread in Merlin’s eyes. The pain and sadness so evident in the tears he shed and in the way he held the little girl close. He had looked so vulnerable, so fragile, it was all Arthur could do not to rush to him and take him in his arms and reassure him that everything was going to be alright. _Really now… What was it about him?  I’m starting to think there’s something wrong with me. I’m losing my mind over a young skinny thing with wide, funny ears and plump, pouty lips...which looked soft… so soft…should feel soft if one were to kiss them and those bloody gorgeous blue eyes that turned a quiet storm when he wept… blast! Not this again…_

“You know, you really look like one of those charming fellows from those love stories Gwen likes to read so much.”

Arthur, jolted from his reverie, turned to see who had spoken and promptly let out a groan. “What do you want Morgana?”

Morgana smiled at his obvious discomfort. Teasing Arthur was one of the few pleasures she had these days. “Come now Arthur, it is a real rare sight to see you so distracted, gazing into thin air while clutching a pretty flower,” She cocked her head to one side. “If I didn’t know any better, I would think you were in love with someone.”

Arthur almost choked on his own spit, “Wha-What?! Have you lost your mind Morgana?”

“Oh my, aren’t we a little harsh today? It was only a guess Arthur, there’s no need to cross swords now. Although you’re rather vehement in trying to deny…”

“I’m not denying anything ‘cos there’s _nothing_ to deny.” Arthur gave her a stony look but she only chuckled deviously. “Shouldn’t you be someplace else right now?”

“Someplace like where Arthur?” Her brows lifted in amusement and Arthur found his irritation growing even more.

“I don’t know…with Gwen somewhere, brushing your hair or squealing over jewellery, I don’t know, just anywhere but here.”

Morgana frowned at that. “Squealing over jewellery? Seriously Arthur? That’s the best you could come up with?”

Arthur raised his hands and shrugged “Fine, not jewellery. Just go do whatever lady-like things you ladies like doing. Anything that appeals to a softie like you.”

“ _Anything that appeals to a softie like you…_ ” Morgana parodied. Then she frowned at him again. “Says the one clutching a pretty flower.”

Arthur glared at her but said nothing.

Morgana sighed and stepped closer to him. “Contrary to what you may think, I didn’t just come here to torment you.”

Arthur scoffed at her “Oh you didn’t? Wow, wouldn’t have guessed that.” The sarcasm in his voice was very apparent.

“Arthur please, I’m very disturbed right now.” She clutched her hands together in front of her and her demeanour changed to one of discomfort.

Arthur studied her, his concern for her replacing the previous irritation. “It’s about yesterday’s execution, isn’t it?” Arthur saw the confirmation light her features. Morgana had been so distraught and furious with his father, she had refused to join them for dinner and refused to let the king into her chambers when he went to _reason_ with her. Knowing the huge tempers they both had, Arthur knew it had just turned into another heated argument. It would be weeks before she spoke to his father again, he was sure of it.

“Yes, yes it is,” She looked straight into his eyes. “Arthur you must know things can’t continue like this. Uther cannot be allowed to keep giving harsh sentences to people who don’t deserve it. It is cruel…vile even, and shouldn’t be the way a king should rule.”

“Careful Morgana, upset or not, you must remember he is the king.” Arthur warned and then he sighed and spoke in a softer tone, “I agree with you, but my father… He only wants to protect his kingdom. He has been the victim of many evil plots by sorcerers who either want him dead or see Camelot fall, you know this Morgana.”

“Yes Arthur, I know. But I also know that he has killed more people in recent years who were neither sorcerers nor evil men.”

“Morgana, that man wasn’t innocent. He was caught using magic…”

“TO CURE HIS SICK DAUGHTER! Tell me you won’t have done the same if it were you and you saw your little girl dying and knew there was nothing else you could do?”

Arthur rubbed at his forehead in frustration “A man died, Morgana. You were at the trial, you heard the testimonies of those who were there.”

“It was a mistake. How was he to know that a pan to the head would kill his nosy neighbour and not just knock him out? He was only trying to stop them from taking him to the king because he knew what the outcome would be. I guess considering the circumstances, I should be grateful _our merciful king_ didn’t see it fit to burn his daughter along with him.”

Arthur’s lips formed a tight line and he gave Morgana a warning glare.

Morgana shook her head, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Why can’t he see that magic isn’t evil? People are. Say what you want Arthur, but that man – that father – for all he was, wasn’t an evil man, just a helpless one.”

Arthur looked down. Morgana was right. He hadn’t seen a conspiring sorcerer when he looked at the man yesterday. But try as he had, to convince his father otherwise, it was hopeless.

Morgana stretched out her hand and lifted his chin. “Arthur, you’re the only hope Camelot has now. You’re the only one who can put an end to this barbaric practices and make Camelot a happy place again.”

“How Morgana? I’m not king yet.”

“But you will be…someday soon.”  She gave a wry smile, turning her back to him and sauntered back down the path she came, her long hair flaying in the breeze behind her. “Don’t stay out too long Arthur, it’s starting to get rather chilly out here – and we both know what you’re like when you catch a cold.”

Arthur chuckled at that. Morgana was truly the older sister he never had. _Thank goodness for that._

A while later, Arthur trailed back into the castle, still twirling the flower in his hand and thinking of plump, pouty lips, he wasn’t paying any attention to his surroundings until he heard a voice ring out down the walkway.

“I messed up Gaius, it’s my fault, IT’S ALL MY FAULT!”

Arthur creeped closer not wanting to intrude and peeked around the corner. Gaius, the court physician was hugging someone closely and muttering soothing words. Arthur blinked in surprise. The old man wasn’t known for showing affection or kindness to anyone, not even the king and yet here he was actually hugging someone! Life was awfully strange. Arthur resolved to take a different path and leave them alone when he caught a glimpse of the face buried in Gaius’ shoulder. _Merlin._

“You can’t blame yourself Merlin, there’s no way you could’ve known it would end up like this.” Gaius’ voice was soothing but firm.

“But I can’t get rid of this guilt. Every time I see her, hear her cries, I feel responsible for her pain Gaius. If I hadn’t tried to help…”

“Hello Gaius, strange to see you outside your quarters at this time and with no bag filled with funny-smelling remedies, how odd.” Arthur startled them, coming out from the corner he’d been lurking at and pretending to be oblivious to the tense atmosphere around him.

“Prince Arthur, I dare say you should be asking yourself the same question – and what’s that you’re holding?”

Arthur quickly moved his hand behind his back to stop them both from seeing the flower and cleared his throat. “Hello Merlin, you’re not looking well, are you alright?”

“My Lord forgive me…I’m just…I mean…” Merlin trailed off not meeting Arthur’s eyes.

“He’s caused quite a bit of trouble Arthur, and is paying dearly for it.” Gaius supplied.

Arthur frowned, “Nothing too serious, I hope?”

“Well, not if you were one of the patients who received the blend of fenugreek and dandelion tea instead of the expectorant blend of honey and thyme tea earlier this morning.” Gaius said with a straight face.

Merlin gave a surprise look at Gaius as if he was just hearing this bit of news for the first time. Arthur frowned and scrunched up his face in confusion. “The what blend of _what_ now?

Gaius sighed, like he was tired of giving one too many explanations to ignorant youths, “Merlin gave the wrong medicine to the patients who have been suffering from chronic Pertussis, known to be caused by the Bordetella pertussis, a plague that greatly affects the cilia and results in a terribly severe case of whooping cough, Arthur – and this is not good at all.”

“A  Petosis…” Arthur started.

“Pertussis” Gaius corrected.

Arthur nodded slowly, his frown deepening “Right, I meant…that. Yeah, what you just said.”

Merlin looked like he was torn between trying to hold back a laugh and glaring at Gaius.”

Arthur continued, “So this – tea, does it make that much difference if taken instead?”

“Well…” Gaius hesitated. And Arthur raised his eyebrows in panic. When Gaius trailed off like that, it was a sure sign that something terribly bad was going to happen, he knew from experience. “Gaius, should I be worried for these patients?” He asked slowly.

“Not necessarily. The fenugreek and dandelion herbs are not in any way dangerous, my prince. They are however, strong stimulants to suit stiff organs and aid proper digestion.”

“They’re laxatives, aren’t they?”

“Yes Arthur – strong laxatives,”

Merlin was still giving strange looks at Gaius, and Arthur made a mental note not to visit the lower town below anytime soon. He glanced at Merlin, the brunette looking a lot pale like he did the day before.

Gaius continued, “You don’t need to worry yourself too much about it though, nothing but a week of constant stomach rumbling and they should be fine.” He waved it off like it was nothing and turned his eyes to Merlin again, raising one disapproving eyebrow, “However, I do hope this serves as a lesson to my trainee to _leave matters alone when he has no idea how to solve them.”_

Merlin’s features clouded again and he looked away. Arthur gazed at him. “Gaius can I have a few moments to talk to Merlin alone?”

Gaius hesitated but when Merlin gave him a small nod, he sighed, “Alright Arthur but please don’t keep him too long, he’s suffered much for his mistake already, believe me.” With that, he turned and left.

A pregnant silence rested between the two of them afterwards and Arthur didn’t know what to say to break the silence. Merlin was visibly disconcerted about being left alone with him. After several minutes, he cleared his throat, “People make mistakes, Merlin. It’s something inevitable really, you shouldn’t let yourself feel too bad about it.”

“I would if my mistake caused someone to die…”  Merlin stiffened, realising who he was talking to and swallowed nervously, “I mean if anyone got too sick from the wrong medicine I gave them, I’ll never forgive myself.”

Arthur cocked his head and regarded him closely, “There is something else bothering you, am I right?”

Merlin put his arms around himself and leaned back against the wall behind him. “It’s nothing my Lord.”

“I saw you yesterday… with the girl.” Arthur confessed.

Merlin stared at him with his mouth agape.

“You must’ve known her father. I’m sorry for what happened.” Arthur took a step closer to him.

“You shouldn’t be apologising to me, my Lord. It wasn’t you who condemned him,” Merlin leaned more into the wall.

“Can you tell me more about him?”

It took a while for Merlin to respond and when he did, Arthur could hear the pain and sadness dripping from his voice, “His name was Peter…He was a butcher selling freshly cut meat at the market. I met him when I first came here and Gaius sent me to get supplies. Anna was still a baby then and was much too jumpy at the time. I offered to watch over her while he was working and he always gave me extra meat to take back with me. He was very generous.”

Arthur bit his lower lip, “What about his wife…his family?”

“No one else, my lord, he only had Anna. He always talked about his late wife though. She died during childbirth and Peter always cried whenever he remembered,” Tears were starting to glisten in his vibrant blue eyes and he reached up to wipe them away. “And now he’s gone and Anna is all alone now.”

Arthur placed a hand on his shoulder causing Merlin to sniff and look up at him. “I know what it’s like to lose a parent and I know what it’s like to lose a friend. Every time I head out with my knights, I fear one of them may not come back with us and it’s a painful thought to say the least.” Arthur watched him look down again, sniffing. His long curly lashes flanking his cheekbones and his rosy lips quivering slightly. “But I also know that we need to stay strong for the ones we’ve lost and be there for the ones still with us. That way, we don’t feel like we’ve let them down.”

“I don’t know how to be strong…to make up for…” He sniffed again, his nose red. “I don’t know what to do about Anna.”

“That little girl will want for nothing, you have my word.” Arthur said with firm resolution and Merlin gave him a small smile in return.

“Thank you, my lord.”

Seeing this beautiful boy, no – young man – looking so puny was doing something to Arthur’s chest that he’d never really felt before. He was sure now, there was something about Merlin that he craved for and needed to have in his life. But how? How do you acquire something you’re not meant to have? Fall for someone you’re not meant to be with and need to taste lips you’re not supposed to want even though they’ve been on your mind all day?

Before he knew it, Arthur found himself leaning forward to kiss Merlin, eyes glued to his lips and drinking in their perfect shape and luminous glow before catching himself and stepping back abruptly. The astonished look on Merlin’s face only further increasing the shame and guilt he felt inside. He cleared his throat, “Well, I suppose I should be heading back to get ready for dinner now,” He reached behind him and pulled out the Gardenia from the back pocket of his breeches where he’d stashed it and held it out to Merlin. “For you.”

The surprise in Merlin’s eyes brightened up his features and he reached out to take the large flower, face flushing when his fingers brushed against Arthur’s.

“Err...T-Thank you...But I d-don’t know what it’s for...” he stuttered, unsure.

“To cheer you up. I don’t want to see you sad anymore.”

They looked intently at each other for a moment and Merlin’s cheeks got even redder. Finally he broke the eye contact and lifted up the lovely flower to his face and inhaled deeply.

 _No, I don’t ever want to see you sad again!_ Was Arthur’s last thought as he watched Merlin walk away.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if it was clear enough, but Merlin was the one who gave Peter the poultice and Gaius made up the whole She-bang about the illness to cover for him. Yup, Merlin has magic.

**Author's Note:**

> Please if you notice any errors, leave me feedback so I can correct them.


End file.
